Sorry guys. 

All my "fitness post" has just gone down the drain.

I lost the motivation to become fitter and better.

What I found was "working out drains all of me"

I haven't lay my exercise mat, wore my trusty new balance shoes, wear my neon pink nike pro sports bra and my "don't fall below the line: above average | below average", slip in my blue leopard prints workout shorts for 2 weeks. 

I still ate my oatmeals, hearty lunch, lesser rice more ingredients for dinner.

But all these feelings inside me have made me so...tired. Tired to move my ass to work out. All I wanted to sleep it off. 

S L E E P  I T  O F F.

Today, I decided to kick that "negativity" and work out.

At my last leg, I fell straight to the ground.

I was mad tired and exhausted that i could just lie on the mat and sleep till morning.

I wish I could just not workout and be fat.

Not those unhealthy fat but healthy fat.

Like eat healthy but just dont work out.

Yeah, I wish I could.

My body just refused to cooperate with me. 

I can't cut down my portions to so small, because my gastric will come after me if i skip a meal or eat too little. And even if I eat little but more meals it still comes after me.

And no medication can help me...

I had to feed my stomach for the sake of the gastric juices which makes me really awful...

Wish I could just stay fat and not care but too bad that I have a wedding gown to wear in few years time.

Hais.. I wished.

 FOR THESE, I have to push myself to be slimmer and fitter.

actually, screw size 0.

dont give up ok.

I didn't give up I just took a mental break.

We'll get there some day. 

<3