So yesterday was our anniversary or monthsary simply put. And can't believe we are together officially for 1 year and 1 month. (Looking forward to our next monthsary though!!!) 

My body inspiration is not victoria secret's angel, not taylor swift/ miley cyrus. 

But it's Scarlett Johanssion. 

I yearn to train my body like hers, and I think it is so much achievable at the moment. 

Her body measurements:

36 - 25 - 36 

(and what i need to focus right now is my waist and my hip.)

ideal body measurement would be: 36 - 27 - 37 (for now, cuz my waist is abit impossible to get to 25 sia...)

And my thigh goals, golden ratio is 5:3:2 (thigh: calf: ankle)

And I am failing at my thighs, so yup it's time to shed the extra meat off my waist, my hip and my thighs. 

New workout routine:

Start off by 30 secs of one leg lunges, then 30 secs of high knees, back to 30 secs of one leg lunges (the other leg), then 30 secs of butt kicks, 30 secs of squat to lateral leg lift, and 30 secs of jumping jacks, to another 30 secs of squat to lateral leg lift (the other leg) to 30 secs of cross jacks. 

rest for 1 minute

10 secs of calf raises (on each leg), and 10 secs of calf raise (2 legs)

10 secs of squats > 20 secs of squats > 30 secs of squats > 40 secs of squats

30 secs of side legs raises (something like laternal leg lift) each sides. 

30 secs of yoga tree pose (hold there on each legs)

rest for 1 minute

30 secs of wooden chopsticks (each side)

30 secs of standing pull down sides high knees (each side)

30 secs of v twists

45 secs of heel touches.

30 secs of obliques crunch (each sides)

rest for 1 minute

30 secs of push up and leg raise. 

30 secs of push up

30 secs of planks 

and tada~ (this is usually my sunday workout)

the rest of the week I just keep it simple with legs + abs

- 20 secs of leg raise, 20 secs of reverse crunch, 30 secs of flutter kicks, 30 secs of scissors kicks, 20 secs of side leg circle (each legs), 10 secs of oblique crunch each side and lastly 30 secs planks with 20 secs side planks each. 

and on tired and sleepy days, I recharge my energy by sleeping without working out (or just basic crunches before sleep)

so here's something I found:

if anyone wanna try? :D

well I might try when I get better (I am still sick, body not feeling too well yet)

4kg in 14days, why not? :D

this one seems kinda cool too! :D

definitely an inspiration (I wouldn't aim this in 1 year but at least I would achieve before 3 years)

bikinis are usually the kind of inspiration. 

damn, I haven wear bikini to a beach for a long time man.

I wore bikini last april in bali though. 

totally need a plain white bedsheet for photos like this~ 

OH~ AND ALWAYS REMEMBER THIS: HYDRATION IS IMPORTANT. 

and I hope all this helps (I actually found them on google) 

I do miss being skinny and underweight, but I want to be fit and healthy more. 

And this will not be wrong. 

good luck everyone.

we will all get to the ideal body we always wanted, and we will be proud of ourselves. 

hang on there lovelies <3

let's work towards our goals together :)

XX

*DISCLAIMER* I AM NOT A PRO SO DONT FOLLOW ME IF U THINK ITS WRONG. 

I do. I am afraid of losing my memories, and forgetting people I loved/people who loved me. My fear of losing my memories is really great. 

But deep down, I would want people to live a life without me and at the same time I can start all over but all these memories are really precious to me.

I often tell my boyf, "if i lose my memories, dont bother to make me remember you okay?" 

He will go like, "you siao.. And even if u forget me i would make friend with you and make you fall in love with me again." 

I don't know. But i made a promise to him that if he does lose his, I would never step back into his life, nor let him know me. He thinks i'm selfish for doing that. 

Because then, he would go on to find a better girl and that he would be happier. And I would just be a the blank space of his mind/brain. 

I think i watched too much japanese movie like (sky of love, I will give my first love to you) hais. I am such a emotional person... Crazy much. 

This is going to be a really dry post.

I need a space to transfer my thoughts out, loud.

Many things had happened this few months. And I contributed to most of the happenings. I'm just gonna list down by categories and then elaborate more.

1. Family:

I am the only daughter/child in my immediate family. I have a dad and a mum who loves me, yet doesn't really show it. At the age of barely 10, my mum tried to throw me out of the house twice (I can't really rmb the reason being, but I was dragged out of the house by her), and at 10, I was being locked out of my own house, till my dad came home and let me in (and there was no cellphone back then nor do I have the house keys) I pretty much grow up hating my mum a lot, until one day, or some day, we just started talking more, and sharing more. And I begin to confide in her more. Ironically, after secondary school, I drift away from my dad, and we don't talk much. (Only till recently when I started working, I share office politics with him). And I am the eldest grandchildren in my mum's side, and I grow up closely under the care of my lovely grandmother and grandfather, and I won't deny that I love my grandma more than my parents. And I had no cousins until I was 6/7, and it's a huge age gap. And till now, I think I have a huge gap with my cousins. (And my other side cousins are all in malaysia.) So basically, my friends were closer than my cousins and I tweeted that before and caused my cousins to feel "bad" for leaving / outcasting me. (Bullsh*t) So, yes till today, I never really think they put me any where in their eyes, and I never really (dying) to hang out with them. And it becomes a huge problem between my dad and me, because I dread going back there. I could do so many things than hanging out with people who barely care about me at all. And he wants me to bond with them, but dad, they don't even care about me. When I don't understand cantonese, they spoke in cantonese! NOW THAT I UNDERSTOOD CANTONESE, they spoke in malay. Hello, this is mega outcast...And this has been an issue because I never told my dad about it because I didn't know how to put it across to him...and I really don't know how to handle this. Which is so frustrating!!! Hais, now I come home to a dad who doesn't wanna talk to me because he thinks i'm rude. So whatever. This is what my home has become. Basically I came back to a hdb house every night.. not a home anymore. 

2. Friends:

"Friends come and go. The one that stays is the one that glows"

Irony eh. This quote is from someone who I have just "let it go" because of various reasons. 

And I basically have screw things up and over and over again.

My friends are people who never initiates, never keep up, never keep in touch, never bothers. And it irritates me to the core.

My best friend thinks she's not obliged to reply my messages. And the rest of my friends don't even initiates chats anymore (screw you people who say I'm the one who don't bother. f**kers) And I have learnt that friends who say "i am here for you." don't necessary is there for you, because other than you (me i mean), they have tons of others friend to talk to, and (maybe I am just plain boring or what...) One day, the friends who were once there will not be there because they will have other commitments in life. Like family, etc etc. And I have 'deleted' friends from my life because they don't bother, and why should I? Yup, I don't want to be unimportant to people. So if you don't bother about me, then byebye it shall be.

3. Boyfriend:

These 1 year have been really a hell ride. I am battling with my insecurities and sometimes it makes me feel like giving up on my relationship so badly. Like, I just wanna be alone. Like alone. So I don't have to please people, nor people have to please me.

Yesterday we had a really long talk. (can't be bothered to really type it out here.)

But all I can say is, I might get damn angry and pissed, and wanna give up, but i won't. Because the love is great enough for me to hold on, and not move on. 

4. Financial/Work: 

 It's so saddening that sometimes I feel so underpaid. (Gonna revise about this in August)

Need to save money for house (*cough, dear son/daughter, please know your mummy give up on food for your nest ok), wedding(banquet/rom/rings/gowns/suits/photo), renovations. This is a 5 years plan..hoping to save enough to get married before 26. 

5. 21st birthday:

This is a super big problem. When I was 16, I was confidently planning everything in advanced so I won't be headache about all the choices and options. BUT F**K. After I cut people out from my life, my guestlist is so little that having a big venue will make it awkward. And the choice of my cake is another issue because f88k, alot of people wouldn't like my cake. And the theme is such a headache. IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE WHAT I LOVE / but now it's turning to "accommodating people" Cannot have mickey/minnie theme because f88k it's 21st bday not 1st birthday later people judge. (everyone judge even if they say they won't tsk life lessons.) cannot have minions theme because ya, kiddish. Black and white like common + funeral like that (according to my mum/ ahma), red and blue (later people come in Chelsea jersey or man united jersey.) also weird, red and black (maybe but...99% will turn up black so kinda defeats the red...), blue and gold (later they come in all sorts of blue...but if I set navy blue they f88king tell me they got no navy blue... ARGHHH) so I was thinking of black and gold (but sure gold is gonna be neglected and everyone will be in black and I won't stand out for sure...) SEE this is so frustrating. -_- Nevermind I have like 5 months to plan... Theme most important actually. The rest will just flow as the themes go. :D Hopefully I can think of smth asap! 

6. Health, fitness:

Argh.. Stress makes me fat. Like really... People lose weight with stress, I gain weight instead. I am back on track to losing weight but I know I sure won't be able to go back to my uk8-10 in aug/sept.. because I cannot push myself too hard. I will be in recovery mode if I do HIIT all the time.. Haiss. This is bloody crazy. 

Things that I do (for now): 

- Japanese green tea everyday. (3 x 750 ml)

- Oatmeal for breakfast (sometimes others)

- Quit mutton / beef

- Snack on oatmeal bars/ beans chips

- Eat more vegetables than rice for dinner

- Choose water when outside

- Choose chicken/ fish over pork

- Cardio workouts then toning, or 10 mins HIIT.

Good luck to myself, and my body. (fats, time to go, really.)

*note to self*

White lies is still a lie. So it's okay if people don't forgive you. But lesson learn, some people is okay with white lies but some are not, because everyone is different.

- Never measure everyone the same way. 

- Giving up is not a choice, is running away from problems.

- Being honest is not always good.

I don't know how to fit into this society anymore. 

#NOWPLAYING: Zella day - Hypnotic

(this song was played when Stefan & Caroline drink from the coed then have sex.)

"Hypnotic"

Ahh ahh
Wanna be on the front line
Knotted up suit ties
Talking like a headstrong mama
Gotta picture in your wallet 
Making me a habit 
Wearing your vintage t shirt
Tie ribbons on ya top hat 
Tellin me I'm all that
Just like the girls from ya home town
Sweet blooded and I'm stranded 
See if I can stand it
Drinkin in the shallow water

Magnetic everything about you 
You really got me now
You do it to me so well
Hypnotic taking over me
Make me feel like someone else
You got me talkin in my sleep
I don't wanna come back down
I don't wanna touch the ground
Just like an ocean dug so deep
Hypnotic takin over me

Ahh ahh 

White threads on my laces 
Stuck on the hinges 
Swingin the door to the to the back yard
Got splinters walking tight ropes spun like a bandage
Touch on the outer surface
Bright eyes of the solstice 
Wherever your mind is headed for a freight train city
Locked up till your moon lit
Brushin my hair back
Feelin ya lips on my cold neck

Magnetic everything about you 
You really got me now
You do it to me so well
Hypnotic taking over me
Make me feel like someone else
You got me talkin in my sleep
I don't wanna come back down
I don't wanna touch the ground
Just like an ocean dug so deep
Hypnotic takin over me

(ahh)

Hypnotic takin over me

You do it to me so well
Hypnotic taking over me
Make me feel like someone else
You got me talkin in my sleep
I don't wanna come back down
I don't wanna touch the ground 
Just like an ocean dug so deep
Hypnotic takin over me

(ahh)

Hypnotic takin over me

Ahh

Hypnotic takin over me

Ahh ahh 

Ahh

Remember last month, i went on a sephora haul with Nam?

You can tell from my tumblr / weheartit. 

Remember we made a promise to visit gold coast after you ORD, now we don't have to wait for you to ORD, we just need to have annual leave & we are free to go. 

Oh my god it has been like 3 months, and well i only managed to lose like 2kg because 1. I haven't workout religiously like I did in december 2. I have stopped hearty breakfast 3. I am exhausted every day after work. OKAY ALL THIS ARE EXCUSES...